That was a nicely written memory. I'm now a church custodian as my part-time job in retirement and I could relate to a lot of this. So far no porn or big scandals here, however. It's a decent gig, but I'm looking forward to completely retiring in another year or so.
I saw this because someone shared it with Kent. I am a secretary at a church right now. I get to see the groundsman/janitor most every day at work and we chat about what's going on. The chair thing is real....
I highly doubt there is porn on the pastor computer. I have met the retired male pastor and he's not that kind. The rest of the pastors since him have been married women pastors.
I signed something saying I wouldn't talk about my beliefs at work (since I was not a Lutheran or member and have heretical views). They didn't want me leading others astray so I would never be required to do do bible study stuff like that. That part was odd.
We don't get an annual assessment like you had. Instead we have a meeting where we can say what is going well and going poorly at our job and the church can try to fix our problems with it.
Anyway, besides that it sounds pretty typical. I had to buy lotion for the ladies room and then one month every time I came in on Mondays we had lotion hand prints all over the mirrors. 🙄
We do have a policy at the church to help give funds to people in need, but we can't give cash (it has to be a check to their landlord or utility office, etc.) And there is a limit to how much they can get.
FYI: I hope you're right, but the pastor with the porn I'm talking about was also someone that 100% of the people in the congregation would have said, “he’s not that kind,” about. People’s secret sins are often shocking, and we are frequently too quick to dismiss potential red flags by just assuming people “would never do that.”
I love getting to read stories of these experiences! That’s absolutely horrifying to hear about the porn and abuse happening. I had no idea. I would love to read about your thoughts on the ministry work later too. BTW, the couches in women’s restrooms are often used for breastfeeding mothers and babies. Or overtired little kids.
Yes, I knew about the breastfeeding chairs... but I never got to see them "in use" since I was never in the bathroom at the same time as the women. (Well, except for the awkward occasion I already explained about when THEY would walk in on ME when I was in the women's room. HOW RUDE!)
That super awkward. I’m sorry that happened. A lot of women have pelvic floor dysfunction and literally can not wait or they will have an accident. I’m gonna assume that was the case to give them the benefit of the doubt! It is kinda funny though.
On a very strange note, a reader (someone I don't know) left multiple comments on this article, calling me a liar and saying I completely made up finding pornography on the pastor's computer.
I have absolutely no idea what I could possibly gain from doing that, but to me, this proves that my initial instinct to hide the truth and not say anything at the time was prescient. I didn't tell anybody *precisely* because I was afraid of being called a liar back then, too. This is EXACTLY the problem with power structures like this: "Who are we going to believe? A child, or the priest/pastor?" and is the kind of thinking that results in victim-blaming and creating cultures of secrecy.
I refuse to participate in that. I'm an open book, and I will share the truth even when it's ugly.
(Also, it's interesting that this person has since deleted those comments.)
Wow, that is so crazy! It does not surprise me that someone called you a liar about the finding the porn though. So much of secret sin thrives in secrecy and in the darkness. Many are truly naive about it too. I have a lot of thoughts about this whole topic. Also, some of these details warrant a longer conversation sometime, I had no idea about those issues going on. The topic of working for a ministry is interesting too, we struggled with Chris's experience working for the church as well in ways. But the most important takeaway from this post for me is definitely: "WELL I CAN BE YOUR HERO, BABY!!" hahaha! That is fabulous. 😂 👍 💕
It's not logical to draw conclusions about women's bathrooms in general from your experience of one random women's bathroom in one random church decades ago.
You are correct. I have not been in every single women’s bathroom in the entire world. If you somehow read the 4,000+ words I wrote about my experience as a teenage janitor and thought: “This man is wrong about women’s bathrooms, and I must correct him,” then I salute you. 🫡
However, I will say this… I serve as the volunteer janitor at the office building where I work now. Here’s what we have:
Men’s bathroom: toilet, sink, soap.
Women’s bathroom: toilet, sink, kleenex, plant, lotion, air freshener, candle, potpourri, lamp, painted art on wall, purple side table.
That was a nicely written memory. I'm now a church custodian as my part-time job in retirement and I could relate to a lot of this. So far no porn or big scandals here, however. It's a decent gig, but I'm looking forward to completely retiring in another year or so.
Thanks, Kent! It’s a great part time job, huh? I've thought about doing it again someday when my life slows down a bit.
I saw this because someone shared it with Kent. I am a secretary at a church right now. I get to see the groundsman/janitor most every day at work and we chat about what's going on. The chair thing is real....
I highly doubt there is porn on the pastor computer. I have met the retired male pastor and he's not that kind. The rest of the pastors since him have been married women pastors.
I signed something saying I wouldn't talk about my beliefs at work (since I was not a Lutheran or member and have heretical views). They didn't want me leading others astray so I would never be required to do do bible study stuff like that. That part was odd.
We don't get an annual assessment like you had. Instead we have a meeting where we can say what is going well and going poorly at our job and the church can try to fix our problems with it.
Anyway, besides that it sounds pretty typical. I had to buy lotion for the ladies room and then one month every time I came in on Mondays we had lotion hand prints all over the mirrors. 🙄
We do have a policy at the church to help give funds to people in need, but we can't give cash (it has to be a check to their landlord or utility office, etc.) And there is a limit to how much they can get.
Thanks for sharing.
FYI: I hope you're right, but the pastor with the porn I'm talking about was also someone that 100% of the people in the congregation would have said, “he’s not that kind,” about. People’s secret sins are often shocking, and we are frequently too quick to dismiss potential red flags by just assuming people “would never do that.”
I love getting to read stories of these experiences! That’s absolutely horrifying to hear about the porn and abuse happening. I had no idea. I would love to read about your thoughts on the ministry work later too. BTW, the couches in women’s restrooms are often used for breastfeeding mothers and babies. Or overtired little kids.
Yes, I knew about the breastfeeding chairs... but I never got to see them "in use" since I was never in the bathroom at the same time as the women. (Well, except for the awkward occasion I already explained about when THEY would walk in on ME when I was in the women's room. HOW RUDE!)
Hahaha you know what, no, it’s not. We should enact this as a common practice.
That super awkward. I’m sorry that happened. A lot of women have pelvic floor dysfunction and literally can not wait or they will have an accident. I’m gonna assume that was the case to give them the benefit of the doubt! It is kinda funny though.
That makes sense, but it is an “Out of my way, young man; you don't want to witness this!” too much to ask?
On a very strange note, a reader (someone I don't know) left multiple comments on this article, calling me a liar and saying I completely made up finding pornography on the pastor's computer.
I have absolutely no idea what I could possibly gain from doing that, but to me, this proves that my initial instinct to hide the truth and not say anything at the time was prescient. I didn't tell anybody *precisely* because I was afraid of being called a liar back then, too. This is EXACTLY the problem with power structures like this: "Who are we going to believe? A child, or the priest/pastor?" and is the kind of thinking that results in victim-blaming and creating cultures of secrecy.
I refuse to participate in that. I'm an open book, and I will share the truth even when it's ugly.
(Also, it's interesting that this person has since deleted those comments.)
Wow, that is so crazy! It does not surprise me that someone called you a liar about the finding the porn though. So much of secret sin thrives in secrecy and in the darkness. Many are truly naive about it too. I have a lot of thoughts about this whole topic. Also, some of these details warrant a longer conversation sometime, I had no idea about those issues going on. The topic of working for a ministry is interesting too, we struggled with Chris's experience working for the church as well in ways. But the most important takeaway from this post for me is definitely: "WELL I CAN BE YOUR HERO, BABY!!" hahaha! That is fabulous. 😂 👍 💕
It's not logical to draw conclusions about women's bathrooms in general from your experience of one random women's bathroom in one random church decades ago.
You are correct. I have not been in every single women’s bathroom in the entire world. If you somehow read the 4,000+ words I wrote about my experience as a teenage janitor and thought: “This man is wrong about women’s bathrooms, and I must correct him,” then I salute you. 🫡
However, I will say this… I serve as the volunteer janitor at the office building where I work now. Here’s what we have:
Men’s bathroom: toilet, sink, soap.
Women’s bathroom: toilet, sink, kleenex, plant, lotion, air freshener, candle, potpourri, lamp, painted art on wall, purple side table.
So, uhh, there’s that.