Pissing Away Your Dead Parents’ Inheritance, Plus, Van Halen’s Singer Is Really Getting Old.
A chance encounter I had with a total stranger at an Airbnb in Florida on Halloween.
Who: Me and a woman I met the day before whose name I don’t recall.
What: A chat about our travel plans and life in general.
When: A few years ago.
Where: Saint Augustine, Florida.
Why: Because it filled me with sadness and left me wondering how and why some parents can do so much permanent damage to their children.
How: I walked into the house with my Zoom H2N Audio Recorder in my backpack still running, and the whole conversation was unintentionally recorded. Years later, I found it, and I’m still amazed at how sad it makes me.
Her: So where are you headed to next, Ron?
Me: Oh, I don’t know yet.
Her: Really? Are you planning on seeing your parents?
Me: Yeah, actually, after I landed at the airport, I flipped a coin and decided to go where it told me to go. It was heads, so I headed east.
Her: That’s cool! Are you serious? I love that!
Me: Yeah. My mom and dad live in Groveland. It’s about two hours south of here. So, I’m going to pick up my mom, and we’re going to hang out at the beach on Weeki Wachee. Do you know where that is?
Her: Nope. I’m still unfamiliar with some of the places here. I mean, I’ve been to Florida many times in my life. But never Saint Augustine, you know? Never the northeast area.
Actually, I was born in Jacksonville, Florida, but I was adopted when I was a little baby. I was raised in Brooklyn, New York, and worked in Manhattan on the stock market.
A whole different life: institutional bond fund management, okay? Like a crazy life.
Me: Yeah?
Her: And it’s weird because I hate money. I think money is a corruptive force. And I didn’t really know that at the time, you know?
So, my adoptive parents are Jewish, and they’re like, “Oh, get a business degree.”
Well, I went to Brooklyn College, and I wanted to take liberal arts, you know, and follow my own feelings. And I opened up about it, and my father was like, “If you don’t take business, we’re not paying for your college.” I’m like, great.
So, I was like, “Okay, so then I’m going to play Arkanoid in the student center and just drink beer, okay?” That was like my middle finger, you know?
And I always followed my own… whatever.
And I’m like, “I see how miserable you and mom are, and you’ve been married for forever, but you know, tradition and whatever it is?”
I’m just like, “That’s just not me.” You know?
I mean, I love arts, I love music, I love everything that’s creative. And I found myself working in this Type-A, hostile “go get ‘em” market in New York City. I did it for a long time, and I met incredible people, but I was like, “This is not me.”
I wanted to go to John Jay Criminal Justice College and study forensics, all of that, but I had to defer my enrollment because my parents were ill and just a whole bunch of shit…
I lettered in four sports, you know, and I was on the debating team, but I was also into the arts. I did all that, and my parents were like: “We don’t know what to do with you.”
I’m like: “You chose me! This is not my fault!”
So, there was this point of contention my whole life about that, and finally, it’s like, “You know what? I can’t lie to myself; I can’t lie to you - I can only be who I am.”
Well… they were not pleased.
So, they adopted another child. Like maybe this one would work out, you know?
And I was like, “Okay, well, good luck with that!” But she was everything that they needed her to be.
So, they left me a quarter of the inheritance, and they gave her three-quarters of the inheritance. Because she produced a grandchild… I did not.
So, I took my inheritance, and I blew it in three years.
Me: Really? Doing what?
Her: Oh, everything good. Everything I wanted!
Me: Really?
Her: Oh yeah. I was like, “You treated me like shit because I didn’t follow your plan,” and—I was so rude about it—it’s like, “You can’t put somebody in a box.”
So, I basically, like, shit on myself and them, and I’m like, “I’m going to have the best time of my life.”
Me: So, it’s all gone now?
Her: Oh, it’s ALL gone. Three years. $200,000.
Me: Wow!
Her: Yeah, it was amazing!
Me: Okay. Where did you go?
Her: Oh, wow, God. Well, I had already been to a lot of the United States, and I was in Alaska twice. I’d never been to Hawaii, though, because I knew that if I went to Hawaii, I would never come back because I love the ocean… I love the water. Like, I’m all about that.
I went to Seattle, which I loved; I loved Seattle… Oregon... New Mexico. I went to the Caribbean, I went to the islands… and I had a bucket list where I was like “If I go to Italy…” because I cook also, I’m huge on food.
And I never got to Italy; I couldn’t go because my parents died and I had a burial, and I had their bills to pay with what was left over from whatever else I had from my inheritance.
My sister was ten years younger than me, and you know, she was already married and blah, blah, blah… and we had a rift: I hadn’t spoken to her in eight years.
Me: Wow.
Her: Yeah. I was like, “Okay. I’m never getting to Italy.” I was living in New York and Manhattan in an apartment that I really loved, but it was so expensive. I couldn’t keep up with as much money as I made.
I am totally irresponsible.
But I was like, “Okay, no regrets!” I’m a survivor, and I’m—I’ve never been afraid of living—like you!—flying by the seat of my pants.
Me: Mm-hmm.
Her: I’m like, “Something’s going to happen.” Something will turn up, you know? But I never planned for anything. And I’m like, “I’ll make it work. I don’t care if I have nothing, I’ll work, and I can do anything.”
I’ll make money, and I’ll survive, but never, like, “I’m going to own a big house and have this and that.” I don’t give a shit about that. I don’t care.
Me: So, how long have you been here?
Her: On and off for a year.
Me: Wow.
Her: I work at Casa Monica Hotel.
Me: Yeah. And where is that?
Her: It’s over on King Street, off Cordova, which is downtown. But, like, I worked for some shitty restaurant for a little while until I’m like, “This is bullshit. I can’t function here.”
I was going to give it up, and I was going to be moving somewhere else, you know?
Then, I applied online for this position. Now I work in IRD—in-room dining—and I work in banquets, and I work in the restaurant. So, I have a multi-job… and I need that: a little bit of everything.
Me: Okay.
Her: Last night I waited on Sammy Hagar, from Van Halen.
Me: Really? Wow.
Her: Yeah. He does not look like himself.
Me: Why, has he, uh… gotten big over the years?
Her: He is not big. He’s old.
Me: Really?
Her: Yeah. And then, apparently, he came up to the bar because he was looking for his Cabo Wabo [tequila], and we don’t carry it.
And I already had a list prepared of tequilas that we do have and other shit… he never mentioned tequila to me. But he did order a $200 bottle of champagne.
…not a great tipper.
Me: So, you were bartending?
Her: No, I worked in the restaurant last night. So, I can be a server in the restaurant or do banquets—which is what I’m going to do later today—or I can work in-room dining. That’s where I just spoke to him: I was like, “[Knock knock], Guest services!”
Me: I’ve never done that, but I was a banquet server for a couple of years in Colorado...
Her: I’ve been to Colorado twice before the pot was legal… I loved Colorado. It was great. New Mexico was one of my favorite places to be, so, um, but like life’s a smorgasbord… (Laughs).
At the hotel, they were like, “Don’t mention the other guy,” and I’m like, “Don’t worry.”
Me: What other guy? Oh, David Lee Roth?
Her: Yeah, well, because once Sammy Hagar became the lead singer, I was like, “I don’t give a shit.” You know? 1984, the album, was so prominent in my life.
Me: Sure.
Her: I remember him jumping off the stage, you know? “JUMP!”
Me: Oh, yeah, with the parachute pants?
Her: Yeah. It’s like… Sammy Hagar? Not so much.
Me: Well, so you basically live here then? This Airbnb is your house?
Her: Well, it’s my house, but I mean, again, I’m like—“JUMP!”—like I’m leaving today. So, I’ll be gone for a few days. And then I’ll be back.
Me: Where will you go?
Her: A friend of mine has a place over in Lincolnville, which is also close to the hotel. It’s on the other side of King Street. We’ll talk… I’ll stay there for a little bit, but this is like my base.
Me: Wow. So, you really travel light?
Her: I do. I got rid of all my worldly possessions. I sold everything, or donated it or whatever. I’m like, “I don’t need all this shit.”
So, I went from the stock market, making crazy money, blowing it all, of course. But in this intense way… that I didn’t want to be.
I was good at it, I happened to adapt well to everything, but I was like, “I’m not happy.” I like simple pleasures, you know?
I love to cook, and I love being at the beach, and I love… and it’s not like laziness, it’s like “I just know this is crap, and I don’t want to be a part of it.”
Me: Yeah… so, what’s the best beach here?
Her: Well, let me tell you, there’s Vilano Beach, which is over at the other bridge, and then St. Augustine Beach, which is really beautiful. I go to St. Augustine Beach. Now, if you want to see a sunset or a sunrise, Vilano, I think, is a place to go, but if you want to hang out and be on the beach, St Augustine Beach is “Whoa!”
I’ve taken such amazing pictures. The sights... the sand, it’s… otherworldly.
Me: It’s just over the bridge…
Her: Yeah, you go over the Bridge of Lions. So typically, I’ll take a car service, you know, and… don’t go to Salt Life Food Shack, which is right across the street. It’s a tourist trap. Don’t go there.
And don’t order anything from the snack stand at Saint Augustine Beach. It’s horrific. There is a place down at the beach where they sell burgers the size of your face, and it’s really delicious.
Me: Okay.
Her: And The British Pub does karaoke every night, and they have Jello shots. It’s like… craziness.
Me: Interesting... Thanks! Maybe I’ll check that out before I head out.
Her: Yeah. So, are you here long?
Me: No, I’ll be taking off today.
Her: And you don’t know where you’re going? Oh wait, except to visit your parents?
Me: Yes, and maybe Weeki Wachee… or Wakee Weechi, or whatever it’s called.
Her: Have you been down to the Keys?
Me: You know, I went to Key Largo... I went scuba diving there a year or two ago. I didn’t go all the way down to Key West or anything...
Her: My ex-girlfriend has a restaurant down there.
Me: Oh, really?
Her: And Kenny Chesney is like a huge supporter of her, which is great.
Me: That’s cool. Where’s the restaurant?
Her: It’s in Key West. They’re really like, everything’s scratch-made, and they have some really nice beers on tap and a nice wine list, but it’s very small. So, there’s a line, typically, out the door. …but Key West is like, I used to go there when I had money.
Me: Key West, man, that’s a long haul.
Her: It’s beautiful.
Me: Driving in Florida; it’s like California. You can drive a thousand miles, and you’re still in the same state.
Her: Don’t go to California right now! It’s on fire! And it’s falling into the ocean...
Me: I know, it’s always on fire…
Her: Well, it’s nice to meet you, Ron.
Me: Yeah, back atcha! Drive safe on your way to work! Oh, and say “Hi!” to Sammy Hagar for me, okay?
Her: Oh, well, I couldn’t; I didn’t even recognize him.
Me: That’s weird.
Her: I was like, Wow, you’re so old!
Me: Really?
Her: I was just very impressed that he was with a woman that wasn’t a teenager. And he was nice.
…not a great tipper though.
Me: That’s good to know.
Her: Yeah, just for future reference.
Me: Okay. I’ll keep that in mind.
Her: Thanks. See ya!
Me: All right... Have fun!